Thursday, September 24, 2015

I have PTSD and I have been hospitalized four times.

Post traumatic stress disorder has destroyed my life. I have been suffering from the diagnosis since getting out of the Marine Corps in 2002. I had to see a therapist shortly after my discharge from the Marines because I began experiencing depression. I can best describe how I felt upon discharge as disconnected from the world and numb. I remember returning from my deployment in Afghanistan back in March of 2002. When I arrived home I felt like I was walking in a dream. I felt like my mind had a little fog to it. My sleep wasn't good and I began to experience sadness connected to my military service. My military career was cut short by injury and I received a whopping two hundred dollars a month for my injury. It upset me that I was now what is considered as a "broken marine." I couldn't deploy, I was getting depressed and it was time to get my head checked out by the VA. In short time I was put on antidepressants and eventually hospitalized after having a bad reaction to the meds. During my hopsitalization intake, I was drugged with benzo type medicine to calm my nerves. I then proceeded to tell the VA psychologist everything that happened to my in the Marines. Before long I received a diagnosis of PTSD with general anxiety disorder and depression. I keep having these moments where I get spooked and just want to run. Sometimes I do. Just last month I was on a two month disappearing act in another state. It is difficult for me to keep my cool and I am constantly under pressure. I experience stress differently than the normal person would. For me any level of stress can feel like life or death type of situational stress. As a result I find it very difficult to let my guard down and I trust nobody. I am slightly paranoid, I would say. I am always watching my back. This sort of thinking comes from having to survive multiple life or death situations in the Marines. If you experience any of these things that I am talking about then please comment on this post but get help first. There is help out there if you ask for it. Build the strength inside you to ask for help when you need it.

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