What does it feel like to have PTSD? Describe what PTSD feels like to you.

Today I would like to write about PTSD and how it effects me in my daily life. I write this post in the hope that others with PTSD will recognize similar things going on in their lives. If you feel like you could have PTSD, I encourage you to try and get help. I am not cured, in some ways I am worse but the medicine helps and talking to other veterans really helps. What makes PTSD so difficult to treat is the avoidant and isolationist activity. When we shelter ourselves from the disorder and the world, we lose our connection to those that can help us. Our family, our friends, our clinicians all get cut off from the chance to help us. If you are a veteran, know that you are not alone, even though it feels like you are.

If you need to talk to someone, I encourage you to reach out to the Veterans crisis line. Their number is: 1-800-273-8255

They are also available by chat, which I prefer.

I was part of the very first combat deployment to Afghanistan and got to participate in various covert and overt combat activity. I was injured and evacuated from Stan during the fall of Khandahar. Before deployment I suffered a mild TBI that caused me to lose conciousness after my rocket launcher misfired and fragmented on my shoulder. I was an assaultman, a counter-terrorist. My specialty was rockets and demolition. I received conventional warfare training as well as special operations training.

So that is cool part of my story. Being a Marine was badass and I loved kicking ass.

The sad part of the story begins here. Being a veteran with PTSD is awful. My life feels meaningless now. I have no job and suffer from flashbacks, agitation, arousal, anxiety and depression. I have been out since 2002. My life has been chaotic in varying degrees. I have complex PTSD, TBI comorbid with depression and panic disorder. I have been hospitalized numerous times for suicidal ideation, weird seizure like episodes, and hostility. I have been unable to hold a job or finish college. My relationships always end dramatically. I avoid everyone that knows me and I lash out at those that "threaten me." (The threat is misperceived)

All I want to do is smoke weed, hide from the world, listen to Metallica in the dark and obsess about war, violence and feeling pumped. I love the fucking adrenaline. I get so keyed up from PTSD that thirteen years after honorabe discharge, that I feel like I am at war. I feel like I am still on LP/OP missions. It is not a delusion, it is very physical. PTSD effects the release of adrenaline like compounds that make you feel jacked up. Feeling the pump makes me feel strong and capable which is the inverse to the way I typically feel; sad, broken and worthless. I deal with suicidal thinking near daily. I have been hospitalized four times!

I have been in treatment for over a decade. Sometimes I do a little better with life, sometimes not so much. My life is pretty much out of control. I have to depend on others and that hurts my self esteem. I have no idea where my life is heading because I don't know if I can keep myself alive.

Medical Marijuana for PTSD bill fails in Illinois

Sadly, the initiative to add PTSD to a list of qualifying ailments in the state of Illinois has failed. Efforts were made to add the diagnosis and the push gained momentum through the Illinois House and Senate. When the bill landed on the governor's desk he failed to sign it into law citing a lack of research that medical marijuana helps those with post traumatic stress disorder. Hopefully, there will be some sort of reorginatization and appeal effort by the activists pushing for PTSD patients.

I am a patient with PTSD. I have been hospitalized four times as an inpatient for my condition. I have found that medical marijuana helps me cope with my condition and its effects upon my life. I feel the prime benefits of medical marijuana for post traumatic stress disorder are:

• Lifting of depression
• enchanced sleep
• increased appetite 
• lower anxiety 
• greater sense of well being

My condition consists of insomnia, hypervigellance, depression and panic attacks. I experience flashbacks often. Sometimes I just get zoned into to the military past. Cannabis helps me detach from that. While I am disappointed that the medical marijuana initiative failed, I think in the near future it will be of little consequence as our nation slowly moves towards legalization. With legalization, more research will come to see of what benefit medical marijuana has on PTSD.Different strains of cannabis can provide different therapeutic effects for patients. Some strains are depression lifting, while others can be anxiety reducing. Some strains will put you to sleep gently. The effects that cannabis has on cancer cannot be understated. It seems as if CBDs and THC help kill cancer cells.

Do any of you use cannabis for PTSD?

I have PTSD and I have been hospitalized four times.

Post traumatic stress disorder has destroyed my life. I have been suffering from the diagnosis since getting out of the Marine Corps in 2002. I had to see a therapist shortly after my discharge from the Marines because I began experiencing depression. I can best describe how I felt upon discharge as disconnected from the world and numb. I remember returning from my deployment in Afghanistan back in March of 2002. When I arrived home I felt like I was walking in a dream. I felt like my mind had a little fog to it. My sleep wasn't good and I began to experience sadness connected to my military service. My military career was cut short by injury and I received a whopping two hundred dollars a month for my injury. It upset me that I was now what is considered as a "broken marine." I couldn't deploy, I was getting depressed and it was time to get my head checked out by the VA. In short time I was put on antidepressants and eventually hospitalized after having a bad reaction to the meds. During my hopsitalization intake, I was drugged with benzo type medicine to calm my nerves. I then proceeded to tell the VA psychologist everything that happened to my in the Marines. Before long I received a diagnosis of PTSD with general anxiety disorder and depression. I keep having these moments where I get spooked and just want to run. Sometimes I do. Just last month I was on a two month disappearing act in another state. It is difficult for me to keep my cool and I am constantly under pressure. I experience stress differently than the normal person would. For me any level of stress can feel like life or death type of situational stress. As a result I find it very difficult to let my guard down and I trust nobody. I am slightly paranoid, I would say. I am always watching my back. This sort of thinking comes from having to survive multiple life or death situations in the Marines. If you experience any of these things that I am talking about then please comment on this post but get help first. There is help out there if you ask for it. Build the strength inside you to ask for help when you need it.